Blended Families

I loved the discussion my class has this Thursday on the difficulties that can arise when a parent remarries. I will admit that I hadn't really thought about the challenges that come with this. Not because I don't think there are challenges, but just because I never thought to think about it. Does that make sense? Maybe not.

Anyway, it was an awesome class and it has really helped me to ponder this subject. I love it! One thing in class that really stuck out to me is that to be successful in this transition, it is so important that the couple (and the kids in some areas) openly discuss what some challenges may be. As these challenges are discussed, the family can figure out ways to avoid or move through them. Then, when the challenge comes up, the family is a little better prepared to handle it. Although there will probably be problems the family didn't expect, if they have this foundation, it can help with all the other problems as well.

Seriously, communication plays a HUGE role in relationships and their success.

Parenting

This could possibly be my all-time favorite topic! I have taken two parenting classes here at school and have loved both of them. I’ve even thought about changing my career goals to work with parents. We will see :)

One of the most important and basic principles that I feel parents need to understand is that they are there to help guide and teach the child- not force them to become a certain way. I think that many times, parents believe they have complete rule over their children. It is important that parents don’t forget that their children have agency. They have the ability to choose. We need to respect that gift that Heavenly Father has given them. It’s also important to remember that they were Heavenly Father’s children long before they became ours.

Speaking of Heavenly Father, He is the perfect parent. If we are concerned about if our principles and practices are right, look to Heavenly Father and see if it falls in line with His teachings. Ask Him if what you are doing is right. Let Him guide you! With Him, you cannot fail. 

Work and Family

I thought this chapter of the book was very interesting. We learned about different trends in the world that pertain to work and family. To be honest, it seems like most of the trends are occurring doing to selfishness. I understand the need for money. I understand that sometimes both parents have to work in order to provide for their family. Unfortunately, there are so many times when that is not the case. Mothers work because they want to get out of the house. Fathers work longer hours because the family wants a new boat. When parents work longer hours, it takes away from family time. How sad is that? Parents should try and spend as much time as possible with their children….that’s what I believe at least.

I know that every family has different circumstances and I don’t have any right to judge a family for the decisions they make. I would suggest though that families really look at their work and their family. Can they cut back on the work time at all? Is it necessary for both parents to be working? If changes can be made, I would say that they should be made. 

Communication

Words, tone, and non-verbal cues. The three things that play into communication. What is interesting to me is what percentage each one plays in communication. In class, we learned that 14% of communication is through words, 35% is through tone, and 51% is through non-verbal cues. I definitely agree with this. I have been in so many situations where people say certain things, but it is SO obvious that they don’t mean anything they are saying. My advice is to make sure what you are saying matches your tone and your body language. You can say whatever the heck you want, but that doesn’t mean anything. You have to be sure that you mean what you say. If these match up, communication can be much more effective.  

Family Crisis

I think it is easy to see that just about every family, at one point or another, faces a crisis (or maybe more than one). What is the difference between a family that falls apart during a crisis and one that grows closer? I believe that the difference is the way members of the family and the family as a whole react.

One reaction I have noticed occurs often is a change in communication. Either a family communicates better or their communication worsens. If a family wants to grow closer, communication is key. Especially when going through a crisis! It is so important to have family members that you can turn to to help you get through the bad and to see that good can come. It is always nice to know that someone is there for you. Someone wants the best for you. In order to know that someone feels this way towards you, they must communicate it is some way. Through speech, touch, body language. It is important (in some way) to know that someone cares.

I challenge you (and myself) to look at trials as a blessing. Look for ways that you and your family can grow from the hardships you face. I promise that as we do this, our families will grow closer and our happiness will increase.

Sexuality

Well, this weeks topic is a little interesting and possibly awkward to some. It was on sexuality (just like the blog post title says). I'm not much of a fan of talking about this in a public place, but I'm not too uncomfortable with it.

One thing that really stuck out to me was that Satan really knows what he is doing. Sexually intimacy can bring us closer to God in a way that other things can't. Through sexual intimacy, we have the power to create...just as our Heavenly Father does. I believe that this is one of the reasons why Satan attacks this area so strongly. He knows the sacredness of this act and he will do anything to lead us to think less of it. He will tempt some to believe that it is okay to participate in sexual intercourse with anyone. Others, he may lead to believe that sex is a bad thing even when you are married. He will do anything to get us to misuse to power of procreating.

I urge everyone to be aware of the attack that Satan is making. Help other to see the importance of sexual intimacy and help them understand what it really is all about. We should teach our children (as well as others around us) that these are beautiful powers when used in the right way.

The Divine

This week we talked about marriage and having children. We talked about how the trend is that when couples have children, they become less satisfied with the marriage. This is a depressing thought to me. Some (if not all) of us wanted to know how we could avoid falling to be a part of this trend. Then, Brother Williams said something that really stuck with me. He said, "We're not going for the natural, we are going for the divine." (or something like that). How awesome is that!? Naturally, after having a child, couples feel like they have less communication and feel like they are drifting apart. That can be avoided though! If both partners of the marriage are committed and willing to work, a marriage can be just as satisfying (or even MORE satisfying). What hope! This thought makes me excited for having a family! Focus on the divine, and great things will happen.

Dating, Dating, Dating

I think you can guess what we talked about this week. That's right...dating! It was a really interesting topic to discuss. 

We talked about the Relationship Attachment Model (R.A.M) on Thursday. It states that you must know someone more than you trust them, you must trust them more than you rely on them, you must rely on someone more than you commit to them, and you must committed to them more then you touch them. I definitely agree with this model and I can see how when this is out of whack, a relationship can be very messed up. My teacher compared the situation when touch is the highest to when a car has the base up way loud. From this inside of the car (or the inside of the relationship) things sound (seem) great! But from the outside, it sounds (looks) terrible. We talked about how to avoid a false perception or the relationship while you are in one. It is important to constantly be evaluating the relationship. Don't be afraid to "step out of" the relationship to see what it looks like from an outside perspective. It really helps.

One insight I gained in class was about what a date consists of and how it relates to the roles of individuals in families. We have heard that a date is planned, paid for, and paired off. This links up perfectly with The Family: A Proclamation to the World when it says that a husbands role in the family is to preside (plan), provide (paid for), and protect (paired off). It is great that dating is preparatory to marriage in so many ways!   

Know What You're Reading

This week I learned how important it is to really know how to analyze research.

We have been talking about a subject that is often very sensitive- homosexuality. I know this is a sensitive subject and I don't mean to offend anyone with any of my statements. For homework, we read a few articles on how the research has been portrayed as supporting the idea that homosexuality is biological when the research really doesn't conclude that at all. When the scientists of the study were asked if the conclusion that it was biological was correct, they even denied it.

This showed me that the media definitely doesn't always show the truth. We need to be wise and do in-depth research ourselves. We need to read up on the research and see if it is reliable. Then, after we have collected this data, we can form our standing on subjects.

On a (not far-off) side note, my friend posted this link to her Facebook. I encourage you all to read it!

Social Class

This week in class we discussed social class and its effects on family functioning. At one point, we got into groups and talked about attributes we want to take from different social classes and add to our own family. As we started discussing, it was interesting to see that we weren't sure where to take the attributes from. For example, hard work was one I came up with. Some upper class people have worked really hard to get where they are at while others haven't. Some people in lower class don't have the ethic of hard work while others work, and work, and work non-stop. It was really neat to see and discuss that no matter the social class you are in, you can make your family work as long as you build it on proper principles.

Family Systems Theory

This week we talked about different theories that pertain to the family. The one that I believe makes the most sense is the Family Systems Theory. It is a complex theory, but at the same time basic. I can't tell you everything about it because I'm not an expert, but I would encourage you to do some research on it. It is very interesting!
 I love the idea that the family is made up of individuals the each have different roles to play, but combined, they make something greater...the family. With this thought in mind, it is fun to look at different families and see who plays what role. Who is the peacemaker? The outgoing one? The calm one?
Along, with this theory comes the idea of family rules. Many rules are unspoken, but all family members know them. In my family, it is expected that when a parent calls for you, you go to them. On the flip side, if you need a parent, you have to go find them and not call out or them. Do you have any unspoken rules in your family?

The Family is KEY

One thing that stood out to me this week in my Family Relations class is that family has a huge impact on society. We watched two videos that really showed how much of a difference family made in the world. In the videos it showed that less human capital = Less Working = Further Consequences = Major Economic Challenges. On the other hand, it said Human Capitol = Productivity = Economic Growth = Fundamental Economic Engine. The videos showed that if we want our economy to increase then our birth rates must increase. 

At the end of the second video, someone made a comment that in order for us to increase birth rates in an effective way, the entire culture must change. This statement intimidated me because in order for us to change this trend, we must change the entire culture. That is HUGE! I have thought over and over again that I can't do  that. When I think that though, I remind myself that I don't have to do it on my own. Many people understand the importance of marriage and family and are all ready acting on that. I know that as I continue to share my beliefs and live in a way that I know I should, I will be able to make an impact and I might even be able to come up with a brilliant idea that can make an even greater impact. 

My Class

For my Family Relations class (FAML 160) we have been asked to make a blog with a new post each week. The blogs will be based on what we learn in class.

I love families and everything about them so I am super excited to learn more about the family unit. I am excited to have this blog so I can record my discoveries. I know it will benefit me (and hopefully those around me) in a major way.